Only You
by scorpion22
Summary: Sometimes it takes losing the ones we love for us to realize how much we love them. Robert Romano learns this first hand when someone he loves arrives at county. M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing.

Chapter 1

Julia didn't know where she was at first. She could feel herself moving, but she didn't know where she was going. She could remember what happened in flashes until suddenly the natural light of the sun hit her as she was unloaded then more lights as she was moved somewhere else. She had no idea where she was, but she didn't care as she just focused on keeping her eyes open as she fought to remain conscious. It wasn't until someone tried to speak to her that she dared to focus on anything else.

"Miss…can you hear me? My names Dr. Weaver. Can you tell me your name and where you are?" called a woman with red hair looking down at her. Julia tried to focus on the woman as she spoke but found she couldn't. She was doing good just to keep her eyes open. She didn't respond to anything asked, instead, just looked at the woman, the halls she was moving through bringing an unpleasant familiarity. She knew this place, she just couldn't name it off the top of her head. She just wanted to see a familiar face and to live. She had things to do or at least she was sure this wasn't the way she wanted to die.

"I don't want to die yet" thought Julia in that moment blinking as the familiar face she asked for suddenly appeared. Carol Hathaway was there, her eyes were worried, and concerned. Julia latched onto her, feeling something inside her calm as she realized where she was. County General, Robert's hospital; Julia wouldn't die here because somehow, she knew Robert wouldn't let her even after everything that had passed between them.

"Julie?" Carol called her name, but Julia couldn't respond as she felt dozens of hands touching her.

"She a friend of yours, Carol?" whispered Dr. Weaver then beginning to work on the woman's wounds. She had been brutally stabbed and was bleeding from almost everyone. She knew if they didn't stop the bleeding soon that she would bleed to death.

"Yeah, Julia Romano, she's Dr. Romano's ex-wife" whispered Carol trying to stabilize her friend.

"Robert" whispered Julia her head turning as if to look for him.

"Somebody get Romano down here, don't tell him why, just get him here until we can find another family member" called Dr. Weaver trying to find the source of all the blood as Julia struggled to stabilize. Her eyes were open, her mouth was open too, but she was bleeding out.

Many of them were surprised she was even still conscious as they worked on her. Other patients might have passed out by now, but this woman stayed wide awake as if willing herself to do so. They could see a strength in her and they hoped it was enough to keep her alive as they worked on her. If it wasn't, she would bleed to death. Before, where she'd been numb, slowly, the feeling came back, and Julia could feel every new hole in her body.

"Robert" Julia said his name as his voice filled the room then the room less hollow as he stormed in to fill it.

"I heard you needed me down here, Weaver, what's so life altering that you can't fix it yourself?" snapped Robert standing there with his hands on his hips. He didn't see her until she was pointed out to him. His eyes looked at her wounds as a doctor would without any emotion ignoring her face until he absolutely had to.

"Female, early 30s, stabbed. I'm told you used to be married to her" called Dr. Weaver as Robert came closer.

Julie. He couldn't believe it when he saw her lying on that table. Her face was turned straight up to the ceiling, he could see her eyes were glassy and unfocused, and seeing her lying there, Robert could swear his heart stopped. She was the last person he ever expected to see dying on a gurney in his hospital. He didn't realize it as he made his way to her. She didn't look at him at first, her eyes still not seeing anything, and he wondered if she even knew what was happening. He didn't want her to feel any pain even as he wanted her to look at him, giving him that smirk that she'd hid from anyone else, but him.

"How'd this happened? Who did this?" whispered Robert standing close to her head as she lay on the gurney leaning over her to peer into her face.

"No idea, the EMT's didn't say, and neither has she. She hasn't responded to anything other then to say your name. She was brought in and we haven't had time to find out anything" said Carol finding a stab wound that was deeper then the others in her shoulder. There was a piece of what looked to be a pen in the room and when Robert saw it, he closed his eyes. Absentmindedly, his hand came to move her hair out of her face as he watched them work on her. He knew something must have happened at her office, maybe one of her clients, he couldn't be sure. He only watched them, his eyes intent as he made sure they gave her the best care the more blood that stained the gurney only working to scare him all the more until suddenly his own name found his ears. He looked down at her. Her lips were moving, but he couldn't hear what she was saying.

"Robert…don't let me die. Please, don't let me die" said Julia on a breath her voice strained. Her eyes were moving then, but she couldn't find him still. She'd heard his voice, she was sure she'd heard his voice, but she couldn't find him until suddenly she did. Robert was above her, a frown on his face he looked down into her eyes, and Julia felt something settle inside her again at the sight of him. Robert heard her then and he wanted to assure her that she wasn't going to die, but the words wouldn't come. He couldn't promise something like that even as he kept telling himself that she wouldn't die here. After all, he could like to himself, but not her.

Her eyes wouldn't focus on anything.

"She's going to need surgery…all these stab wounds, it wouldn't surprise me if a few arteries were nicked" said Dr. Weaver noticing as her BP started to drop.

"I'm here, Jules, don't think about that now. Think about something else" whispered Robert in that moment ignoring Weaver as she shouted directions his eyes focused on the woman who he had once called his wife as her eyes finally found him, and when they did Carrie Weaver saw a look on the surgeons face that she'd never seen before. He actually looked scared. Like he cared and she couldn't help thinking that it made him look human. This woman meant something to him even if she was his ex-wife.

"Jules, you're gonna be fine. Do you hear me, I'm gonna make sure of it" said Robert his eyes intent on her then as he let his hand touch her face?

"Robert…Robert. Please, Robert, make it stop" whispered Julia then her eyes finally meeting his. His dark eyes held concern for her as he looked right back at her. She could feel his hand as he moved it from her face to her hair stroking the tendrils as she gave a sudden shiver of pain. He stayed there with her as the others worked around them. He stayed at the head of the gurney where her head was looking down into her eyes. The way he looked at her, with such love and concern in his eyes, it reminded Julia of when they were first married. When he had loved her, so much, and as another shiver of pain went through her, she decided that if she did die, she would remember him that way.

"Robert" whispered Julia then remembering a time when she was the love of his life, the only thing he gave a damn about. Her eyes stayed locked with his until suddenly they couldn't anymore. Julia could feel herself falling. She could hear Robert calling her name before that too faded away and she was just in a wave of blackness that grabbed her, filling her lungs silencing any scream she could have made.

"We're losing her!" exclaimed Dr. Weaver suddenly pushing Robert aside. He watched them work to bring her back. When everything else failed, Robert felt his heart stop until they brought out the paddles, and stepping back, he watched them shock her with no result. He thought about their time together then of their nights dancing in their living room over glasses of red wine. Of nights when he would distract her from her work and when kissing her was his favorite thing to do. He knew things had gone bad between them, mostly because of him, he recognized that, but he didn't want this. He didn't want to have to bury her, not without telling her all the things he'd stored away to tell her when he worked up the guts.

By the third attempt, when she wasn't back, Robert felt his own heart stop, not beating again until it could beat alongside hers.

"Robert" whispered Julia as she regained consciousness not seeing him as they worked to stabilize her and when that was done only then did, he appears again looking from her injuries to her face. They didn't say anything as he merely looked at her with that same look she remembered in his eyes. Silence surrounded them. It wasn't broken until Dr. Weaver appeared then her eyes on Robert as she called his name.

"Could I see you outside a moment?" called Dr. Weaver not accepting a no as she turned then walking out of the room. Robert knew he had no choice, but to follow. He didn't want to though as he looked at Julia still not wanting to leave her alone. Carrie appeared in the doorway then not saying a word as she silently commanded her follow. When he did, Robert didn't look at her still, but instead at Julia as she lay in there on a gurney covered in her own blood. Carrie stood in his way then though, her face serious as she immediately put him on the defensive with just her stance. She was preparing herself for a fight, he could already see that, and he primed himself. Whatever fight she had ready, she wasn't going to win.

He could already hear her argument before she made it. That he shouldn't be the surgeon working on her because of their relationship. That his emotional state was compromised. Robert honestly didn't care about any argument she made because none of them would be good enough. No other surgeon was good enough to work on her as far as he was concerned.

"You can't operate on someone who used to be your wife" said Carrie her voice far kinder then it would have been on any other day. He knew she was hedging around him because that woman in there was his ex-wife. He didn't let her as he moved forward with his usual bulldozer approach to things. From the look in Carrie's eyes, he knew she was expecting it of him anyway.

"No one is touching her. I will work on her. I'm the best this hospital has, and she will have the best" snapped Robert his voice carrying into the room where Julia lay. Any anxieties she seemed to have went away then as she heard him screaming just outside the door. He was the only one she wanted working on her. No matter how he was, he had always been the most brilliant surgeon in this world, and she only wanted his brilliants hands to work on her in that moment. She would argue for that herself if she had to, but as she listened to Robert, she knew she didn't have to. He always got his way.

"You can't work on her, she's your ex-wife" repeated Carrie her voice rising even as she knew she was fighting a lost cause. Robert was passionate about his work and she knew with someone he cared for, he wouldn't allow them under anyone else's blade. She could see that he cared for this woman now even though she carried the manicure of his ex-wife. Once upon a time, she could see that he had loved her once, and she suspected that he still did as he fought her now. She was just about to tell him that she didn't think working on her was a good idea when he interrupted her seeming to read her mind.

"It's a good thing what you think doesn't matter" said Robert turning his head as Carol peaked her head through the door.

"She's asking for you" whispered Carol addressing him alone her eyes refusing to meet Carrie Weavers. Because the truth was, she agreed with Robert, he was the best man to work on her, but she didn't voice that opinion. She simply left them then to go back into the room where her friend lay still asking for Robert. She stayed holding Julia's hand until Robert returned to her side. Carrie wouldn't let him go though. As the others left the room, leaving Carol alone with their patient, Carrie was still arguing with him until finally he'd had enough. He was pissed off now and he rounded on her not needing to say anything more as he stared her down making it quite clear he didn't want to hear another word about it.

"Do you want me to call her family for you?" said Carrie finally. Her question stopped him short and turning his head, he stared at her as she lay with Carol at her side. She couldn't die. For better or for worse, she was all he had, and he was all she had. Even after the divorce, she was still the only family he had, and he the only family she had. She was his emergency contact. No, she couldn't die; he wouldn't let her.

"I'm the only family she's got" whispered Robert then halting as the words left his mouth. It was the truth. He was the only family she had, so if she did die, it would be him who buried her. He prayed it wouldn't come to that as he entered the room once more. When he returned, Carol left too, leaving him alone to be with her. He could see they were preparing to move her and as he leaned over her, he could hear her saying his name.

"Julie, what happened?" whispered Robert moving her hair out of her face.

"I don't remember…I was in my office then a man came…that's all I remember. Just…just tell me what's happening. What's going to happen now?" gasped Julia her throat dry as she spoke her breathing coming in hard spurts. He knew she'd lost a lot of blood and as they moved her, he walked beside the gurney.

"Don't worry about that. I'm gonna fix you up and when you wake up you won't be able to tell anything's happened" whispered Robert petting her hair as he walked into the elevator with her.

"I'm glad you're working on me. You're the best" whispered Julia managing what could be called a smile as she looked up at him.

"Yeah, only the best for you" quipped Robert.

"Good, I was going to request the best anyway. And you are the most brilliant surgeon in this world and the next" whispered Julia feeling as he took her hand for just a moment, squeezing it.

"I'm gonna scrub up, I'll see you soon" whispered Robert letting go of her hand only to have her grab it again.

"Robert don't let me die" whispered Julia her eyes heavy as she fell unconscious. No one saw Robert kiss her forehead before leaving her.


	2. The In between

Chapter 2

Walking into that OR, Robert felt like a fledgling medical student. This wasn't like any other patient or any other operation, this woman had been his wife, and if she died, her blood would be on his hands. As he burst through the doors putting his gloves on, they had just put her under, and looking at her, he watched as her eyes fell shut. If he hadn't seen the damage done to her body, he might have thought he was just watching her sleep. He'd done that when they were married. He'd come home from a late night at the hospital, he'd climb into their bed, and as he tried to sleep, he just watch her. She looked peaceful then though, but she didn't now. There was a look on her face that was almost tormented. Robert suddenly took a deep shaky breath as he cut into her those words she'd said repeating in his mind. He wouldn't let her die if he could help it. She would live, live to hear all the things he'd stored inside to tell her. As she went under, Julia only felt cold as she found herself in a type of darkness. It wasn't complete darkness really, but a hallway of it. A hallway of long flowing black, like an endless curtain, and as she started to walk down it, she was scared. Something about this didn't feel right. She didn't know what this place was, but it scared her because something about it didn't feel human. Julia didn't know what this place was, but as she followed the curtain of black, she was curious to see where it would lead her.

She wasn't sure if this meant she was dead or if this was the place you came before you died. Julia found herself tempted to find out as she followed though. Like the black wanted to show her something and then suddenly, she stumbled until she was falling. She didn't fall to Wonderland like Alice though, but like a portal. A portal into the past, into memory. Julia fell for a long time before landing where some higher power seemed to want to guide her. To a clearing, green grass as far as she could see, and stopping she didn't want to go any further.

" Awwwwwwww" Julia heard the scream and she still didn't want to move because she knew what that was, she knew that scream belonged to her, and suddenly, Julia couldn't stop shaking because she knew where she was. Julia quickly discovered she didn't have a choice in moving or staying put because it was like suddenly she was floating and then there it was.

Julia remembered very little about the car crash that had taken her parents, at least, that's what she told people, but the truth was she remembered all of it. She remembered the screech of tires and the dark eyes of the deer that had run out in front of their car. She remembered her dad yelling and her mom screaming louder as the car slid off the road into the clearing below. Most of all though, she remembered her own scream as she was thrown through the windshield and away from the car in all its crushed blue distruction. That was the sound she heard, that of her own scream, and the sight she saw. That of the crushed blue car and her parents left dead inside of it. Julia shook all the more then, she had only ever told Robert the truth of her memories, and yet she still felt confronted by them now. It was like she was being called on her lie.

" Julia" she whispered her own name when she caught sight of herself lying still and bleeding, half conscious in the grass. She watched her own eyes flutter in and out of seeing as she watched the place where her family lay dead. Julia remembered that feeling then, that wish to die with them that was in her heart then, but denied her. The memory made Julia shiver all the more and wonder if that was why she was being reminded of this moment. She had wished to die then, yet she didn't wish that now. She had said as much to Robert, she had asked him not to let her die, and yet at nine that had been what she wanted. Why though? What had changed to make her suddenly want to live? After all, she was still all alone, no family, few friends, and yet she wanted to live. What had changed within her to make her crave life in this way? An answer never came only that same cold shiver like deaths fingers gliding down her back. Julia found herself falling once more then her feet firmly planted on the ground even as she did so. She fell until she found herself somewhere else altogether. Later in her life, into the future, and when she looked around, Julia knew exactly where she was; the library of the University of Chicago.

" Julia" her name left her lips yet again as she saw herself immediately standing among the stacks, hair in a ponytail, Tshirt and Jean's, back then the stacks had been her hiding place, her favorite place to roam.

Everything was just as she remembered and as she looked on herself, Julia found she was too. There she stood, in the stacks with an armful of books, her eyes already reading the one at the top. She was so absorbed in what she was doing she didn't take the time to watch what she was doing. That was how she ended up running into Robert. She had been youngm a carefree first year law student with dreams of changing the world and helping the innocent. She just wasn't paying attention. Robert wasn't either though. He was a young medical student and not a nice one either. Very few ever got to see his sweet side. She had been one of those few, but not then. Not when it all began. Suddenly, Julia smiled, she couldn't help it as she watched it all play out again. She saw herself and she saw Robert, his arms equally laden with medical textbooks, and they were headed right for each other. And then it happened. The two of them crashed right into each other, both their textbooks flying all over with a resounding clang that sounded louder then it was. Julia couldn't help the laugh that left her then as she watched, that moment, it had led her to him. To loving him and though it wasn't love at first sight like in all the fairy tales, for them, it worked.

" Oh my God...excuse me, I" Julia smiled as she heard herself stumble over her words and wider when Robert interrupted in his way.

" Excuse yourself, you need to watch where you're going or move so you won't get in other people's way" Robert's words were harsh then as he glared in a way that made her instantly hate him then, you would have thought she'd tried to murder him instead of merely knocking into him.

As she watched the scene unfold, Julia couldn't help smiling as she remembered that moment. Robert hadn't exactly snagged her with his graceful personality that day. In fact, she'd hated himself so much that she'd tried to do anything to avoid him, but in the end it hadn't worked. Yes, he wasn't the nicest person. He was an asshole most of the time unless you gave him time not to be. He could be cruel and rude, but beneath that was a brilliance that she'd never seen in any other man. The problem was he wasn't like anyone else, he was humble because he knew that brilliance was there, he recognized it, and he made sure others did too. It took time for him to show her the lighter, more squishy side that he hid. She had to experience the full Romano before she did and that day, he'd been all those things. Cruel and rude and he had made her hate him. If she'd never ran into him again she might never have changed her mind. They did run into each other again though, several times, until one time in particular she ended up having lunch with him.

Only then did she learn that he could be an ass, but he could be a gentleman too. He was leaving her to pick everything up alone when Julia found herself falling again. Down, down, down, into the black until again she landed. Then she was in another time, another moment in her life, much later in her future. So far that she no longer hated Robert Romano, but was deep into a committed relationship with him. She had been madly in love with him then, he had been the only one she had, and the only one she trusted. They supported each other in every way. He supported her career as she made her way through law school. She supported him as he managed to survive his residency. He always said they were destined for greatness together. That she would be the world's greatest attorney and he would be the world's greatest surgeon. She had believed him when he said that, but more importantly, they had believed in each other. That's why she knew what moment this was as she found herself on the pier near lake Michigan. Julia saw herself running down the pier then towards the lake, it was the middle of November, and she knew Robert would be swimming with his friends from the Polar Bear club. And there he was, swimming in the freezing water, his skin almost blue, but a look of contentment on his face. He was doing a backstroke, but Julia took her eyes off him, when she started to scream his name as she ran across the pier. All eyes, even her own, were on her in that moment.

" Robert!" Julia screamed his name with a giggle in both her voice and her step as she made it to the edge of the pier, Robert floating just out of reach choosing to handle things with his usual Romano luster.

" What the hell are you doing?" exclaimed Robert moving closer to the pier.

" I passed. The letter came in the mail today. I passed the bar exam...I did it" she remembered the tears on her face as she told him the news, her body jumping up and down as she screamed it at him in her excitement. Robert cheered her on from down in the water and when she sat on the pier, he came closer. Suddenly, his arms were around her waist, her hands came to touch his cold skin, and they just looked at each other. In that moment, it had felt like everything was falling into place for them. He was where he wanted to be, so was she, and they were together. They hadn't thought anything could get better then that.

" I did it...I'm not just a student anymore. I'm actually a lawyer" she said it with such pride, a smile on her lips as she leaned down until she was kissing him.

It was as she was kissing him that he dragged her down into the water. One minute, his arms were around her waist simply holding her, and the next she was a sputtering of mess in the freezing cold water with him. Julia could laugh about it now, but she had been pissed when he did that though she didn't stay that way. Once she had fallen in love with him, it had become nearly impossible for her to stay mad at him for very long.

" Robert! Why'd you do that? It's freezing and and...this is your thing not mine" Julia sputtered the words, her teeth rattling as she came up from the water. Robert had only laughed at her as be held her I his arms then his arms making it so she floated there with him. It would have been endearing if she hadn't been so cold. She remembered feeling safe though as he encased her in his arms. Robert held her, a special glint in his eye that worked to appease her anger, and when he kissed her, it faded completely. Julia could never manage to stay angry at him especially when he kissed her like that.

" See, I told you. I knew it would be fine that you'd pass with flying colors. I knew it...and I am so proud of you" Robert had said it with such pride in his voice as he held her again him, his lips kissing her then kissing her again, his hands moving wet strands of hair out of her face. Julia watched the moment play out from her place on the pier and she felt something inside herself. A warmth that she had felt as she let him kiss her in that frigid ice water. Robert always could do that. He always made her feel like she was special, something beloved, and suddenly, she realized why she was seeing this all again. That moment had been one of the most important of her life. He had always been all she had and the most important person to her. Maybe that was why she had wanted to live. Why she begged to live in a way she hadn't when she was nine. Because she still had something worth living for. Robert was her ex-husband, yes, but that didn't matter if she still loved him. As she watched them in the water, she knew it was, and it shook her. Because the man she loved didn't want her anymore.

As she was being taken through her memories, Robert was closing up stab wound after stab wound. It had been worse then anyone had known. Robert knew she was lucky to be alive. An artery had been knicked as Weaver had suspected, but Robert had found it to be worse once he got a look inside. One stab wound had hit her liver, that was one of the reasons she was bleeding so much, and another had nearly went right through her lungs. If it had been any deeper, Robert was sure it would have. She had lost nearly half her blood volume and by all rights she should be dead, but she had survived, just as she always did. Robert was grateful for that. It brought back bad memories though. Of how he'd fear for her when they were married. Because being a lawyer, it came with more danger then he'd ever envisioned. He had been so proud of her. Together, they had rose to prominence in Chicago. She'd become one of the cities to defense attorneys, one of the best attorneys anywhere for that matter, while he'd achieved the same prominence as a surgeon. They had been a power couple, there was nothing they couldn't do, until suddenly there was. He remembered always worrying after her. Always trying to protect her.

" One of her clients did this" Robert didn't speak the thought out loud, remembering all the times he told her, screamed at her to find a way to protect herself, a gun, a switchblade he had told her, but she never listened, not even when he bought her a gun. It was one of the things that ended their marriage. Robert knew his affair with that nurse hadn't helped, but together, they had torn their marriage apart. And yet, Robert could always say that he cared deeply for her. That she would always be the one he loved. As he worked, he wondered if she knew that. He hoped she did or else she might never know. He wasn't sure if he had the guts to tell her or if she would even want to hear it from him.

" It was my job to protect her" Robert knew that even as he was mentally reminded that she was no longer his wife, his heart shaking from inside his body as he told himself that didn't matter.

" I knew this would happen someday...I should have done something" memories of their marriage plaguing his mind, of threatening phone calls in the dead of night, the times their house had been vandalized, and even the time someone had thrown a brick through her cars windshield while she sat inside of it; Robert knew that it had all been leading up to this.

It all scared him so much and yet, looking at her now, Robert wondered if she knew that. Their relationship had been so strained towards the end, he and she, he knew they'd both said things they didn't mean, and yet he wondered if she knew that. If she knew that she was the love of his life. That she was the one person he held most dear. He wondered if she died now, would she die thinking she was alone, unloved; that was the last thing he wanted for her because it was so far from the truth. As far as he was concerned, nothing had changed between them these last three years.

As he was closing her up, he promised himself he would tell her that. Not just because she had almost died, not just because she had been his wife, but because deep down he still loved her.

Julia was drawn out of her memories back into the darkness she had started out with. It still scared her because she didn't know what it meant. She didn't know if she was alive or dead until the darkness started to fade. At first, all she felt was the same pain as before then it went away then returned. Everything around her was a distant hum.

" Is she going to be alright?" Carol's voice drifted to her as the hum disappeared.

" Yeah, she'll be fine. I found all the bleeders, and made sure nothing major got hit. She'll need time to recover though" Robert's voice was there now, laced with the type of concern she remembered from when they were married.

" This was a close call. I thought we were gonna lose her back there" Carol's voice was harder now, louder too, and it shook in a way she rarely heard.

" I know" Robert's voice drifted off then as the darkness lifted completely. Julia heard the beeping of machines as her eyes adjusted to the light. Robert and Carol were by her bedside looking down on her with concern. She felt Robert take her hand and she immediately felt relieved. She was alive.


End file.
